… making it work

The statistics of divorce between parents of special needs children is the highest there is … 1 in 10 will stay together, 9 families will be torn apart.

Josh and I will never blame Elizabeth for this, we will take responsibility for why we chose this path.  The time and attention that parents must give to a child with disabilities partnered with the raising of other children, careers and the daily struggles that life brings adds a level of stress to the home that is incomparable to most.

I didn’t think it would happen to us.  In fact when I first heard the numbers I was bound and determined to make sure that Josh and I made this work.  We gave it everything we had.  We tried to find a way to make our careers balance each other, made sure that at least one of us was with Elizabeth as much as possible.  Not one person held more responsibility than the other in or out of the home.  It was exhausting just trying to make it through the day and soon found ourselves growing further and further apart.

Our marriage was met with one obstacle after another and with the mounting trials before us we just couldn’t find our way back to each other.  Resentment set in, followed by blame and then there we were throwing ourselves into kids and careers to keep from having to deal with a failing marriage.  The signs were all around us, they could not be ignored.  We were both to blame for our actions and choices that eventually led to the end.

When Josh left I was mad as hell.  At him, at myself but never at Elizabeth.  Our problems were caused by us and us alone.  The temptations of society had crept into our marriage and for whatever reason the strength of our bond was not strong enough to resist them.  If you are sitting on the edge of your seat waiting to read what really happened, you won’t find it here!  This is not about blaming each other for our mistakes this is about how we have chosen to work together so that Elizabeth, Alex and Caroline can have a mom and dad that while we do not live in the same house we do love these children very, very much and want nothing but happiness for them.

This has not been an easy road to travel and it didn’t just happen.  It took years of heartache, fights and tears to get to the point that we are today and while still not perfect we are better than we ever have been.  Truth be told the reason for our decision to put aside our differences fell on Elizabeth.  It was a plan designed by God and one that I have held close to my heart, not ready to share it with others until now ….

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